When the Mask Finally Comes Off (And Stays Off)
Here’s something I wish someone had told me sooner: there’s nothing wrong with being different. There is something exhausting about pretending you’re not.
For most of my life, I wasn’t intentionally hiding. I didn’t wake up thinking, How can I be inauthentic today? But I had spent so many years adjusting to be what each environment and individual needed that I didn’t notice how far I’d drifted from myself. It was like living with the lights slightly dimmed. You get used to it. Until one day, someone flips the switch—and suddenly, you see everything clearly.
That’s what happened when I started showing up as my actual self. Not the polished version. Not the helpful, quiet, “easy to work with” version. Just me. Messy, emotional, ADHD-having, deep-feeling, sarcastic, intuitive, curious me.
And the longer I stayed in that version of myself, the more everything started to align.
Knowing What You Value = Knowing What You’ll Say No To
One of the sneakiest perks of authenticity? Clarity.
When you stop spending your energy on fitting in, you start noticing what fits you. I could finally tell when something felt off—not because I was adapting poorly, but because it genuinely didn’t match my values.
Values are the compass. When you know what matters most to you, decisions get easier. Boundaries make more sense. You stop chasing approval and start honoring alignment. (Still hard sometimes. Still worth it.)
The Moment I Chose Me (Even When It Was Hard)
I once had a job where I was doing the kind of work I’d been doing for 15 years—coaching, content, and events. Stuff I was good at. But for some reason, I couldn’t find my stride. My boss never seemed satisfied. I tried everything: worked harder, adjusted my approach, bent over backwards until I was emotionally folded in half.
Eventually, I realized we just weren’t a good fit. She was a perfectionist, and I’m a human. She saw mistakes as character flaws, and I saw them as, well, Tuesday.
So I quit.
Not impulsively. Not dramatically. Just… respectfully. For myself.
I knew I’d keep blaming myself if I stayed. But by choosing to leave, I preserved the relationship and reclaimed my own self-respect. That was a very grown-up moment for me—and a clear sign that all my inner work was paying off.
And Then One Day, I Realized I’m Queer
Here’s something I never would’ve uncovered if I hadn’t stopped pretending: I’m queer.
It wasn’t a lightning bolt or a neon sign. It was more like a quiet internal “oh.” A noticing. A truth that had always been there, waiting patiently for me to be ready. When I started tuning into myself and my values—when I actually paid attention to what I felt instead of what I thought I should feel—my identity became clearer.
There were so many things I used to squash. Curiosities I ignored. Feelings I rationalized away. But when I finally created enough internal safety to stop compartmentalizing, I could hear my own voice. And that voice said, Hey. There’s more to explore here.
And it’s been freeing. Scary of course. But that’s what growth is.
Life With the Volume Turned All the Way Up
Living as your authentic self doesn’t mean you never doubt or struggle. It just means you stop performing. You stop editing yourself to be palatable. You stop whispering your truth and start saying it with your chest—even if it shakes a little.
It’s not about being loud. It’s about being true.
A Quick Practice
Ask yourself:
What part of me have I been tucking away, waiting for the “right” moment to show?
Is there a truth I’ve been whispering to myself?
What would it feel like to let that part take up a little more space this week?
Even one small yes to yourself can shift everything.
Final Thought: Wholeness Over Performance
You don’t owe anyone a watered-down version of who you are. You don’t need to compartmentalize to be loved. You were never too much. You were just surrounded by people and systems that asked you to be less.
But now, you know better.
And the people who get to meet you—all of you—are the lucky ones.