Can I Be Happy and Have Anxiety?

The short answer is yes!

Do you ever feel overwhelmed, sad for no reason, or like nothing is going right? Maybe even all of the above? I get it. That used to be my normal. I’m in my mid-thirties and have struggled with anxiety and depression most of my life. I also now consider myself a happy person overall—and I know that’s because I work really hard to be happy every day.

Happiness isn’t something that just magically happens, at least from my experience. I’ve been able to create my happy life by working on three things:

• self-awareness

• compassion

• gratitude

You’re Not Alone

Am I happy all the time? Of course not. Anyone who says they are is a big liar. Life is full of ups and downs and unexpected events. For someone who has experienced anxiety and depression for most of my life, some of those unexpected events include crying yourself to sleep for no apparent reason and having no idea why. Or maybe it’s not being able to leave your house even though you have plans. I’m not going to tell you it’s easy to find happiness.

I will tell you it is absolutely possible. Even if you sometimes find yourself sad for no reason. Even if you also experience anxiety and depression on a regular basis. Even if you struggle with social events and making friends. Even if you consistently feel overwhelmed. Even if you’re on medication for your mental health. Even if you feel completely alone.

The truth is, you’re not alone. So many people deal with these challenges as part of their everyday lives. I’ve been there. And I have learned that by focusing on specific skills, your life can be so much better. The good news is all of these things are completely within your control.

It’s not easy, but I can promise you, it’s worth it—you’re worth it. I’m honored to walk with you on your journey.

Take Action: Start small. Think of what you’re grateful for as you fall asleep or brush your teeth. Practice being kind to yourself the next time you hear that inner critic. Think about how your best friend would describe you. If you need some help, ask a friend or family member one thing that they like about you.

How to Become More Self-Aware

The most important tool I’ve developed to improve my mental health is self-awareness. I used to think I was pretty self-aware, that it was something most people naturally are. I now know that to be completely untrue. Self-awareness is a skill you have to actively learn and work to develop—and you’re never done learning.

Self-awareness is being in-tune with your own motivations, emotions, desires, and needs. It’s knowing why you do the things you do. When you’re able to identify what makes you tick, why you feel the way you do, and how to influence that, your life changes in positive ways. It’s no secret that self-awareness is also associated with better success and better self-esteem.

Life moves fast and there are more distractions than ever. It’s so easy to move through it on autopilot. Becoming more self-aware requires you to be able to quiet everything else and truly focus on yourself.

How to Develop Self-Awareness

There are many activities that can help you become more in-tune with yourself. Here are some of the ones I have found most effective.

• Practicing Mindfulness – I won’t tell you to start meditating every day out of the gate, or at all. (A post about that to come.) Mindfulness is a little different. You can practice mindfulness anywhere, at any time—in the shower, driving, in a meeting, hanging out with a friend. Mindfulness is simply being present. Choose to focus on the now. How do you feel? Check in with your body. Truly listen.

• Journaling – Like mindfulness, journaling doesn’t have to be a whole thing. I tend to write about whatever is on my mind. If I’m having trouble, I’ll choose some of my favorite prompts: When do I feel grateful? Sad? Doubtful? Afraid? What am I worried about? When do I feel my best? What do I want? What do I want to let go of? Who did I encounter today and what did I learn? When my wanders, where does it go?

• Walking – My favorite way to get moving is to walk, and physical movement helps our brains process. It’s not complicated—like a more intense workout—so you can focus more on being present. Sometimes I listen to a guided meditation, choose silence, or listen to some music. If I need to decompress, I choose an audiobook or podcast. The bilateral movement of walking allows your brain to process emotions more easily (https://www.centerforresilienceandchange.com/blog/brain-benefits-of-bilateral-stimulation).

• Drawing – Art might not be for everyone, but there is a powerful connection between what we do with our hands and our minds. Sometimes I just doodle, attempt to sketch how I feel, or just color. Focusing on the page can help you get out of your head.

• Listening – Listening to yourself is extremely important. Listening to what others say can also be a powerful way to become more self-aware. You can be as bold to ask what someone else thinks about you or just work on being more present in conversations. The more you learn about others, the more you can learn about yourself.

Take Small Steps

Be kind to yourself on the journey of self-awareness. Some of the things you discover might be difficult to process or surprising. We’re never actually done learning how to be self-aware. This process is a commitment to lifelong improvement.

By taking small, simple steps, it doesn’t have to be a huge change. Experiment with what feels good to you. You’re completely worth it.

Take Action: Referencing the list above, what it one action you can take to help further develop your self-awareness? If you want to walk, start with five minutes. If you want to practice mindfulness, start with while you brush your teeth. If you want to journal, begin with just writing one or two things you’re grateful for. The smaller that first action, the more likely you are to develop the habit, which is what brings continuous insights and overall better mental wellness.