Can I Be Happy and Have Anxiety? Spoiler: Yes.

The Honest Truth About Being Happy and Anxious

Do you ever feel overwhelmed, sad for no clear reason, or like nothing is going right? Maybe even all of the above?

Same.

That used to be my baseline. I’m in my forties and have lived with anxiety and depression for most of my life. And yet—I also consider myself a happy person. Genuinely.

But that happiness? It didn’t just show up with a balloon bouquet one day. It’s something I work on, every single day.

Happiness Is Built—Not Found

Happiness, in my experience, isn’t something that just happens. You don’t stumble into it while walking the dog or buying produce at Trader Joe’s.

I built my version of happiness by focusing on three key things:

• Self-awareness

• Compassion

• Gratitude

Not sexy. But seriously effective.

No, I’m Not Happy All the Time (And That’s Not the Goal)

Am I happy all the time? Absolutely not.

Anyone who says they are is either lying or has mastered emotional dissociation on an elite level. Life throws curveballs. Some of mine have included:

• Crying yourself to sleep and not knowing why.

• Canceling plans because leaving the house feels impossible.

• Being overwhelmed by . . . everything.

• Feeling like you’re the only one who doesn’t have it “figured out.”

Sound familiar?

The Good News: You’re Not Alone

Even if you:

• Struggle with social situations

• Are on meds for your mental health

• Feel joy and sadness within five minutes of each other

• Worry you’re the only one feeling this way

You are not alone.

And even more importantly: it is possible to live a life that feels meaningful—even beautiful—with anxiety in the passenger seat.

The Path That Helped Me Feel Better

Focusing on the stuff I can control has been key. Things like:

• Building self-awareness so I can notice when I’m spiraling

• Practicing compassion instead of shame

• Creating small moments of gratitude throughout my day

These things are learnable. And they get easier because you are physically rewiring your brain.

A Quick Practice

Before bed tonight, name one thing you’re grateful for. Or brush your teeth while thinking of something kind you’d say to a friend—and then say it to yourself.

Still drawing a blank? Ask someone close to you what they love about you. (It’ll feel weird. Do it anyway.)

Final Thought: You Can Hold Both

You can be happy and anxious. You can feel heavy one day and light the next. You can build a life that honors all your emotions—not just the shiny ones.

You’re not doing it wrong. You’re doing your best.

And that is more than enough.

Reflection

What’s one small practice that brings you a sense of peace, even on hard days?

How to Become More Self-Aware (Without Losing Your Mind)

Wait—Self-Awareness Isn’t Automatic?

I used to think I was pretty self-aware. I mean, I’m introspective, I overanalyze everything—clearly I must be in tune with myself, right?

Nope.

Turns out, self-awareness isn’t something we’re all born with. It’s a skill. A muscle. One you have to build and stretch and revisit regularly.

And the payoff? Huge. Knowing what makes you tick, why you feel the way you do, and how to actually respond instead of react can change your whole life.

So What Is Self-Awareness, Really?

Self-awareness is knowing your motivations, your emotions, and your needs—even the ones hiding under sarcasm and snack breaks. It’s being able to pause and go, “Ah yes, this reaction isn’t actually about the barista messing up my coffee order. It’s about me feeling out of control in my life.”

When you’re aware of your patterns and triggers, you can work with them instead of feeling ruled by them. And that’s where the magic starts.

How to Start Building Self-Awareness

Here are some gentle, low-pressure ways I’ve learned to tune in without spiraling. 

Mindfulness (But Make It Realistic)

Mindfulness doesn’t mean meditating for 60 minutes on a yoga mat while humming. It can be brushing your teeth and actually paying attention. It can be checking in with your body while driving. Just practice noticing—without judging.

Journaling (Even for 3 Minutes)

You don’t need fancy prompts (though I love a good one). Just ask yourself:

• What am I feeling right now?

• What do I want more of? Less of?

• What’s looping in my head today?

Start with one sentence. The rest will come.

Walking (Bonus: It’s Free Therapy)

Walking helps your brain process emotions through bilateral movement (seriously—science agrees). I like walking without music sometimes. Other times, I pop in a guided meditation or a podcast. Either way, movement helps me reconnect to myself away from the chaos that can come with life.

Drawing (Or Doodling, No Pressure)

Even if you don’t consider yourself “artistic,” using your hands can unlock emotional insight. Doodle your feelings. Color in silence. Sketch a potato if that’s your vibe. Just see what comes up.

Listening (To Others and Yourself)

Self-awareness also comes from how we interact with others. Practice truly listening in conversations. Or ask someone close to you: “How would you describe me?” Bold, yes. And illuminating.

Be Gentle with What You Find

Sometimes self-awareness brings up stuff we weren’t expecting. That’s normal. It’s okay to meet those discoveries with kindness and curiosity. You’re not broken—you’re learning.

And you’re never done learning. (ADHD Sidenote: Another key to happiness. More on that later.)

A Quick Practice

Choose one small activity from the list above. Want to journal? Start with a gratitude list. Want to be mindful? Try it while brushing your teeth. Start tiny. The more consistent you are, the more insights you’ll get—and the more peace you’ll feel.

Final Thought

Self-awareness isn’t about being perfect. It’s about knowing yourself well enough to be honest, kind, and curious—even when things feel messy.

And I promise: the more you know yourself, the more you you get to be—and that means alignment in your life, which is the foundation for true happiness.

Reflection

What’s something you’ve learned about yourself recently that surprised you?

My 38th Birthday: On Showing Up, Piñatas, and Unexpected Peace

When You Go Home Alone After the Cake

I turned 38 last year, and I felt compelled to capture some thoughts on that day. (ADHD Sidenote: Only just now getting around to publishing them. Classic.)

Here’s the thing: birthdays can be weird when you’re single, especially when you’re at the age where others wonder why you are alone. We’ve been conditioned to think that being alone is the same thing as being lonely. 

And sure, sometimes that’s true. Even when you’re celebrated, even when your phone lights up with messages, there’s still that moment at the end of the day when you come home—alone.

This year, that was me.

And also? This year was different.

I Was Celebrated—And Not Just by Others

At work, I got flowers, cake, and my first piñata (which I was made to swing at with a baseball bat in front of all my coworkers). I had dinner with good friends. I got texts, calls, and messages from people I love.

But the biggest difference this year was how I showed up for myself.

What Changed? Me.

Over the past year, I started pouring into myself. And it turns out, when you do that—when you actually prioritize your own emotional well-being—you have more capacity to pour into others. Wild, right?

I made the calls. I wrote the thoughtful texts. I initiated plans. And most days, I showed up in genuine gratitude, trying to assume the best of those around me. (ADHD Sidenote: This is a key to being happy. More on that another time.)

I’ve always been a kind person in a people-pleasing, codependent-Enneagram-2 kind of way. But this past year, I stopped trying to earn love and started learning how to receive it. Which, surprisingly, changed everything.

The Work Behind the Birthday

None of this happened overnight.

This version of me is 20+ years into therapy. I’ve done EMDR, somatic healing, and trauma work. I’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, said “no” to jobs that drained me. I even hired a life coach last year for six months.

And somewhere along the way, I stopped believing I had no self-worth.

I started realizing that deep down, even in the lowest seasons, there was always a part of me fighting. Showing up to therapy. Knowing when I needed meds. Helping me get out of bed when I really didn’t want to.

And that part of me? She’s louder now. And she knows the truth:

I am worthy. Worthy of love. Worthy of celebration. Worthy of piñatas.

And so are you.

A Quick Practice

What’s one small way you can show up for yourself today?

It doesn’t have to be huge. It could be skipping snooze. Drinking water. Texting a friend. Saying no to something that drains you.

For me, it started with setting a boundary. The first one was not letting my dad talk to me about my weight. And it worked.

Reflection

How can you celebrate yourself today—without waiting for someone else to do it first?